You thought I was gone forever didn't you? Well no, my dear friends! It's my life goal to smother the internet with my rabid blatherings until the day I die! Now, while I may have finished my Beginner's Guide series, I still have ample amounts of League of Legends content to smear all over several articles, oh yes! So welcome my dearest friends!
Today we'll be addressing the important subject of skins. Now, of course, skins are something that can be bought to change the appearance of a Champion to make them look cooler, sillier, sexier, prettier, etc. This happens to be a heavily researched article that's very factual and serious and I won't hear another word about it.
Now there are good skins and bad skins, (we'll get to the bad skins in due time my students) but also, there are a LOT of skins. I made the executive decision that because I had an excessive amount of free time on a Sunday due to a hilariously minimal social life, I figured I'd go through every skin in the game and make myself a top ten. Keep in mind that there are only two rules to this.
- There can only be one skin per champion.
- Only official Riot skins allowed. No custom skins, sorry.
Without further ado... Let's get to it!
#10 - Heartseeker Varus
Now, this is a fairly new skin, but the moment I saw it, I just HAD to have it. Not only is it just delightfully whimsical and pink, the particle effects on it are actually great! Big heart arrows, Raining roses, it just gets better and better! Not only that, but he is ridiculously attractive. Seriously, cut me off a piece of that.
#9 - Pool Party Graves
Speaking of attractive. THOSE ARMS. THAT CHEST. Now, all swooning and self-fanning aside, this skin is actually great because it's a nice change from the usual Graves skins that are all serious and make him look like an over-the-top tough guy criminal. Like the previous skin, this one also has cool particle effects. His shotgun, being a giant water gun in this skin, shoots blasts of water instead of bullets. He also uses a sprinkler instead of a smoke bomb, how awesome is that? Answer: Awesome.
#8 - Urfrider Corki
Now we're getting into the really fun skins on the list. This skin is not only hilarious, it's also hilarious. Corki normally flies a little copter-plane thing. All of a sudden this transforms into a flying manatee named Urf. Now there's a little context on this; Urf was a joke champion introduced as a Manatee with a spatula that wanted more than anything to be a champion in the League of Legends. Naturally, he never became a champion much to just about every player's dismay, but he's constantly referenced in multiple skins. Not the least of which being Urf the Manatee Warwick and Urf the Nami-tee. What's fun about this skin is that, while his particle effects don't change TOO much, one thing sets this apart from the other skins on this list. When he crits, the damn manatee throws his spatula. I literally had so many hearts shooting out my ass when I first saw that.
#7 - Definitely Not Blitzcrank
Now, even though Blitzcrank is a demon from the deepest, darkest, depths of hell and the people who play him clearly don't like happiness, this skin ALMOST makes up for that whenever I see it. It's so goddamn ridiculous. He's a big bronze robot in a suit. With comical dollar-store joke disguise glasses. I really don't know why I love this skin so much, but I couldn't make a top ten list without it.
#6 - Cottontail Teemo
Here's the one I'm going to get the most flack for. Everybody hates Teemo and ESPECIALLY this skin. Teemo is bad enough even without being in a skin that mocks you by being so cute and happy while he bullies you and infuriates you into an early grave. This skin holds a special place in my heart because it was the first skin I ever bought. It was so cute I just couldn't say no. Little did I know I'd make everybody hate me just by owning it, but no regrets! His mushrooms turn into easter eggs. Seriously? Are you kidding me? He hops instead of running? I'm dying. Too cute for my nerves. Anyway, on to the next slot!
#5 - Statue of Karthus
Top 5 baby! I don't even know where to begin with this skin. Karthus is such a serious floating-undead-guy-thing 99% of the time that it just makes it so delightfully campy and appalling at the same time to see him in such a hilariously ridiculous skin. When I first saw this I burst out laughing and, despite not owning the skin (mostly due to the fact that I hate playing Karthus) I just couldn't resist putting it in my top 5. It's WAY too good.
#4 - Monarch Kog'Maw
Now, Kog'Maw is already a funny and cute character, in a freakish-off-putting-sorta-way-never-mind. So when I saw that they had a butterfly skin for him with long eyelashes I was sold. This is so campy and absurd that it couldn't NOT crack my top 5. I've looked at this skin and giggled to myself every time I've seen it for the last year. It's almost perfect in every way. Not quite as perfect as the next three skins though.
#3 - Big Bad Warwick
Here we go everybody, top 3! Big Bad Warwick is so amazing because it takes one of the best little fairy tales and twists it in a delightfully ridiculous way, it's also thrown onto a super serious angry werewolf man. The moment I saw Warwick I knew he had to have a skin like this and of course, Voila! It's everything I could have ever dreamed of, from the pink muumuu nightgown to the over-sized old lady glasses and the giant pink bonnet that looks like an ugly shower cap, being chased down by a ravenous beast has never been so funny.
#2 - Gentleman Cho'Gath
If Big, Bad, Warwick was perfection, then this is perfection times ten. For such a big scary monster, Cho'Gath takes to his top hat, monocle and spats very well. Also, when killing you, he has a whole new voiceover. Instead of the usual roaring and violent nonsense he spews, he says things like, "You, sir, are a coward and a ruffian!", "Anyone for a spot of tea?" and "Pip-pip! Cheerio!" I find myself quoting this skin every time I see Cho'Gath even if the person playing him isn't using this skin. It just bring such joy and delight to the rift, seeing him waddle merrily along saying polite things and spreading happiness around wherever he goes.
Now, we've finally made it. The top spot. Factually the best My absolute favorite skin in the entire game. I went through hundreds upon hundreds of skins to get here. The past 9 skins may have been amazing in their own right, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can hold a candle to this skin.
Are you ready?
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*speaks in tongues*
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"OH UNHOLY BEAST! ARISE!"
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*The ground bursts open and the beast climbs out.*
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Oh no! She's come to kill me!
#1 - Lollipoppy
Yes my dear friends, we've finally come to my favorite skin. Being an avid fan of horror movies and games, it was only natural that my favorite skin would be so damn nightmare-fuel-inducing. The general consensus about Lollipoppy is that it is the skin with the most (un?)intentionally disturbing splash art. Those dead eyes and that horrible smile just seal the deal for me. Her giant lollipop and chocolate-bar shield just added to the perfection. She is clearly referencing the Oompa-Loompas from the original 1971 version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with that little outfit she has on. What I assume the story is behind this skin is that one day after hyper-carrying her team to victory as usual, Poppy was enjoying her afternoon and went to the candy store. She purchased a bag of gummies and went off on her way. While eating, she noticed that one of the gummies tasted horrible, she pulled it out of her mouth and much to her horror, it wasn't a gummy at all. Oh no no, what somehow ended up in the bag was pieces of someone or something's entrails. This of course caused Poppy to snap, and now she sits on the streets of Demacia, staring with those dead eyes and that terrifying grin on her face, saying nothing, just staring.
Well, well, well! We seem to have ended up at the end of the list and survived somehow. Congratulations to all those who are still with me and for those that didn't make it, you'll be dearly missed. Coming up soon will be a list of the top ten WORST skins in the game.
Toodles!
~Bazzlie
