Ladies and gent’s, I say it’s time we take just a few seconds to dive deep inside just what exactly a writer does when they’re planning on what to write about next. As a writer personally, I tend to go through the motions and think about what would interest me if I were reading something I had written. This is always generally a bad idea though because all I really end up with is a poorly written fan fiction based on the game World of Warcraft, where two lovely orcs go on a life changing quest, realize they love each other, and live just long enough to make little orclings before they’re burned to death by a dragon. So when that happens, I slam down a couple Advil (because the mental image of my fan fiction caused my brain to ache like it had been beaten to a bloody mush with a sledgehammer) and an energy drink, and get down to talking about the nitty gritty stuff… Like making a top five list of characters I think are totally broken in the new Super Smash Bros.
Now for those of you who are new to the term, “broken” in this sense means that a character is unbalanced, meaning they have either incredibly ridiculous stats or a move set that's just downright flawless. Now that that's settled, let's get started.
#5 Greninja
Generation 6 of the Pokemon franchise was a big hit for Nintendo, so of course they’d have to pick a candidate to represent them this time in Smash, and who better than the water assassin himself? Greninja plays just as close to a ninja as Sheik does, meaning he’s not exactly subtle. However, he’s fast, light, and will totally annihilate you if you aren't paying attention. His special attacks consist of a chargeable water shuriken, the save move aqua jet, his side special shadow sneak, and substitution. A move pool like this doesn't sound exactly threatening, but you won't believe how satisfying it is to sneak up behind your opponent with shadow sneak and send them hurtling off the stage. His smash attacks are a force to be reckoned with as well, so whatever you do, tread lightly with fighting this amphibious beast.
#4 Shulk
Imagine with me if you will; you’re just sitting there, minding your own business, when all of a sudden a fair haired boy with a cheeky English accent shouts “I’m really feeling it!”, as he proceeds to penetrate your very soul with his Monado. Despite being a pain in the neck to get used to, Shulk is one of those characters that are worth getting the hang of. His special attacks are incredibly handy, especially his back slash and counter attacks. His smash attacks are all very awkward, but tend to make fighting a bit more of a fun challenge. What makes him broken however, is his ability to change his stats using the Monado Arts special. Pressing the ‘B’ button while standing still allows Shulk to change “stances”, which is helpfully displayed by color coded kanji floating above his head. Each stance has different stat boosters: Jump, Speed, Shield, Buster, and Smash, each with the colors green, blue, yellow, purple, and red respectively. If you learn to choose just the right stance for just the right fight, and use your move set to it’s fullest, you just might be that online player everyone wants to get banned so hard from online play that their grandchildren can really feel it.
#3 Bowser
Remember when you were younger and how you used to run around the yard, stomping around your toy soldiers/barbie dolls/fellow neighborhood children and pretending to be a big, mean dinosaur? Well, while it’s socially unacceptable to do this in public anymore, you can still get the same sensation you once had as a child through playing as the koopa king himself. The “Bowz” as his homies call him has gotten a bit of a makeover this game. Standing up-right and weighing in at god knows what, this dragon turtle thing has managed to overcome evolution and become faster. Bowser can actually keep up with most fighters now, so long as they’re grounded, as his jump hasn't been effected in the slightest. Still just as tough of a brawler as ever, Bowser can take hits just as much as he can dish them out. Smash attacks are fearsome, almost as fearsome as his ground pound and body slam special attacks, meaning this koopa knows just how to throw his weight around. If you’re looking for a fighter who can ultimately dominate the match, this is definitely the one for you. Just be wary of your stage, otherwise you won’t be able to save yourself from falling into the dark abyss.
#2 Mr. Game And Watch
You know that one friend you love to death, but just wanna punch in the face sometimes because of how irritating they can be? That’s kinda what it’s like when fighting against Mr. Game and Watch. This character hails from the land of Game and Watch, where everything is literally monochromatic, even their sense of humor. G&W is equipped with some of the most irritating moves in the game, ranging from flipping bacon at your opponents to sending them launching with a hammer. The most powerful weapon at his disposal, however, is the bucket. Holding the down special allows Game and Watch to catch incoming projectiles and store them inside the bucket. Once it’s full, you can dump the bucket out onto opponents and, believe it or not, cause sick nasty amounts of damage. This is nerfed however due to the fact that it is a 100% situational move, so you've gotta be careful about when and where to start building up that pressure. Despite being an old coot, G&W sure knows how to keep his play style fun, fresh, and most importantly, destructive.
#1 Duck Hunt
Alright, let’s get one thing straight. There is only one character more annoying than Mr. Game and Watch, and that character is Duck Hunt. I guess a more appropriate term would be “characters”, since technically they fight as a pair. Nearly every single attack in their arsenal is a ranged weapon of mass destruction. Rarely ever having to actually get up close and personal with a character, they can fight from a fairly safe distance and still cause massive amounts of damage. If you want a good comparison, take Peacock from the arcade fighter Skullgirls, and make her a dog with a duck following her. Yeah, it’s that bad. However, it’s not bad for you if you’re on the other end of the battle. Being able to stay so far away from the actual conflict is what makes Duck Hunt a great character to master. You could quite literally cause death to rain down from the heavens without putting yourself in danger.
Now that this list is done, I think I’ll go off and work on that fan fiction I was talking about earlier. Either that, or go pretend to be a dinosaur in line while waiting on my mocha cappuccino at the local Starbucks. I mean, chicks dig dudes who pretend to be dinosaurs, right?
Right?
